Wasteland
by spheeris1
Summary: An AU, yet not, about Saionji and Touga... [in progress]
1. A Note from the Author

Wasteland

By spheeris1

Pairing: Saionji/Touga

Warnings/notes: Alternative Universe (technically), angst, light surreal aspects and sexual situations   


***   


A Note Before the Beginning:   


This is an idea that formed in my little brain right after finishing 'Noir', but I was so worn out after that story—I thought I should back away from SKU fanfiction for a while.

But this plotbunny has been bothering me the whole time…so I give in [sigh]

I did write a drabble at Utenadrabble at LiveJournal.com concerning this idea. If you would like a glimpse of how this story will be, I suggest you go read that. It is called 'As Usual'.

Now, I must admit that I was not sure how I wanted this piece of fiction to go--- should it be completely an AU? All reality-based? Should I retain an underlying theme of the actual SKU story? I also did not want this story to resemble 'My Own Private Idaho' too much…so I hope that I avoid that, at least enough for this to be original.   


So, I have now explained myself. I hope you enjoy the story…   
  
  


Spheeris1   


***


	2. First

Wasteland 

By spheeris1 

Pairing: Saionji/Touga 

Warnings/notes: See Author's Note  
  
***  
  
Kyouichi liked to sneak around some after school. 

He would pass up the offers of a ride home, he would slip around the corners of the empty kendo room—the one with his fathers picture up on the wall—and take an old path through the woods. 

It sidestepped the highway. It curved silently around the alleys and the buildings. It was shaded from the afternoon sun. It promised dusk. 

Sometimes, once home, his mother would scold him for getting his school uniform dirty. Kyouichi said he just got shoved during school, hitting into the ground in horseplay. 

She didn't need to know where he went. It was his place, his path...no one else from school took it. Kyouichi would walk it slowly and listen...just in case someone followed him. 

Of if some guy came in there, in the quiet solace of the forest, to fuck around. 

Kyouichi, who understood the urge to get off just like any other guy, still found it almost...sacrilegious ...to screw some girl in this place. It was too nice for that. 

Out of that forest, with the bizarrely tall maples and the winding ivy and the rose bushes dotting the edges, Kyouichi never thought about it.  
  
*  
  
Everyone was murmuring on Monday. 

Kyouichi was drowning them out. He had smoked his first cigarette this morning, at the teasing of one of his friends. 

It left his normally clean lungs feeling tight. 

The sound of girlish whispers followed him most times. But not today. 

Those lips of cherry red and smelling of raspberry, those fingers twirling rivers of black hair...a new student had arrived and it had stirred their imaginations. 

One guy said the boy was a millionaire. 

Another that he was really a Prince. 

All the girls seemed to be leaning toward the door. Just waiting...just waiting...Kyouichi noted with a smirk that some of the boys did as well. 

'Who is this guy?' Kyouichi wondered to himself, tapping the tip of his pencil on his desk and earning a glare from the teacher. 

Then the door opened. And a name was given, sliding off the lips of a young man. 

Kiryuu Touga. 

A desk was assigned and the room seemed to collectively sigh. Kyouichi dropped his pencil and the other boy, Kiryuu Touga, looked over at him briefly before sitting down.  
  
*  
  
Kyouichi never asked about his father much. It is not something you bring up over dinner, your dead father. You just accept it and act okay. You just suck it up. 

But Kyouichi did wonder sometimes...looking at photos of him, from when he was young...in the big war, in the fields, in a business suit that seemed ill- fitting...Kyouichi thought that it might make him feel closer to the man. 

All it did, though, was make Kyouichi feel cold. 

He never seemed to feel enough. His mother, a good woman who tried her best to raise a young boy correctly—Kyouichi felt nothing more than respect for her. He did not love her. And for some reason, that did not surprise him. 

Kyouichi would often think at night, with the window open and the breeze blowing in. His thoughts would run together like water. 

'I am like my father. I must be...we must be just alike...' Kyouichi saw it in his fathers fading eyes. 

A deep and twisting cold. 

An undying fury.  
  
*  
  
'Can you spar?' A voice asked above his head. 

Kyouichi looked up sternly from his lunch, not wishing to be disturbed...until he saw who it was. Kyouichi felt his fingers freeze up, like with the pencil, and his bowl fell. 

Hot liquid soaked into his pants leg. 

Kiryuu Touga just raised an eyebrow lazily, but said nothing. Kyouichi was expecting a laugh or some sort of derisive comment. 

'Do you need a towel?' The other boy offered. 

'Yes.' Kyouichi spit out, feeling overwhelmingly angry that this had to happen...in front of this boy, in particular. 

Kiryuu Touga had caused such a sensation. He was number one on all the girls lists. The teachers fawned over him. He was decent at sports. He never got into trouble. His clothes were expensive. He was more confident than anyone Kyouichi knew. Even the most annoying of students seemed enamored of him and would leave him alone. 

Kyouichi was both fascinated and repulsed by Kiryuu Touga. 

The boy dropped a towel in Kyouichi's lap and looked off in the distance. 

'Someone told me that you once practiced kendo, but that they shut down that class. I was wondering if you would pick it up again. I need to practice against someone who knows what they are doing.' Kiryuu Touga continued on, as if Kyouichi was not a complete mess beside him. 

Kyouichi had been secretly glad the class was removed from the curriculum. It was a painful reminder of his father. Of the man who wanted his baby son to grow up so strong and so tough. Of the man who taught form and lessons, who dropped to the mats with a heart-attack. 

A hand shook Kyouichi's shoulder lightly and he looked up into azure eyes. They were all at once bright yet shadowed. Kyouichi, for a moment, thought that they were a lot like his path in the woods. 

A mystery. A secret place. A hidden wonder. 

And Kyouichi was the only one who went there. It belonged to him. 

'I can help you after school, if you like.' Kyouichi said in a brisk manner. The other boy smiled, nodded and walked back to another table.  
  
***  
  
TBC 


	3. Second

Wasteland

By spheeris1

Pairing: Saionji/Touga

Warnings/notes: See Author's Note   


***   


Every morning, long before the school was running over with other students, the two boys practiced.

Kyouichi felt so rusty in his moves. Kiryuu Touga seemed so fluid.

It was like a stream meeting a mountain.

Kyouichi felt the picture of his father mocking him from the dusty corner.

Once over, they pressed wet cloths to their foreheads, to cool down and ladled water to replenish.

All you could hear was matched breathing.

And birds outside, the slight rustle of leaves, the very distant hum of traffic…

Kyouichi found himself always watching Kiryuu Touga from the edge of his vision. Watching the other boy drink, his throat moving in a rolling wave of ivory skin. Watching the other boy wipe down his katana with grace and ease. Watching, just watching…

'You are like those girls in school!' A voice inside Kyouichi's brain hissed and he quickly looked to the floor, heat rising up his face.

He hoped the other boy would not notice or mistake the blush for remaining exertion. Kyouichi always seemed to make a fool of himself in front of this boy.

The pencil. The lunch. The poor sparring skill. The blush staining his cheeks.

'Thank you, Saionji.' Kiryuu Touga said with a bow, like he did every other morning. He insisted on calling Kyouichi by his last name. He said it was 'more fitting somehow'. Kyouichi never said the other boys name at all.

It would be only right to call him Kiryuu, to show respect.

And it would be…almost…fantastical to call him Touga. Kyouichi thought the boy's name—Touga—was something magical and dangerous.

You should never say it. Never say it…   
  


**   


It had become a habit now. He would conceal packs in his coat pocket and light up right after school. And the smoke would trail upward as he walked his path in the woods, disappearing into the sky.

His lungs no longer rejected the toxic fumes. They now craved it, needed it.

He would stub out the cigarette on his boot heel and tuck it into the pack. Other guys would have just flicked it to the ground.

Kyouichi didn't want to soil this place. 

It was sacred. It was untouched. And as long as it was his, it would not be ruined. Sanctuary came with responsibility.

And any other time, Kyouichi found himself—like everyone else—caught up in Kiryuu Touga.

The boy was dating a girl now. Everyone was jealous.

Kyouichi was annoyed when, during their practice, the boy's cell-phone would starting ringing.

He would slam his katana down roughly and walk out, not bothering to continue…not wanting to hear Kiryuu Touga laugh and woo, not wanting to hear that voice be so damn smooth…

Kyouichi felt within him the first odd and desperate feelings of longing.

To have Kiryuu Touga's company, to be the **only **one to have it.

To shove this girl away, to shove everyone away…except for them…

These emotions would rise up daily, trying to burn Kyouichi's heart from the inside. It was driving him mad.

He did not want to feel this way. No one had ever made him feel so…so…important and then insignificant. Not a single face had made Kyouichi act stupid and weak. 

It was not that Kyouichi had not fooled around.

He had kissed girls and gone on dates. He had had dreams that would awake him. His hands had taken care of morning hard-ons, straining as if with a fever for release.

This was different though.

It smacked of obsession.

And Kyouichi felt powerless to stop it.   


**   


It was just a thought at first. 

An angry and needy thought. The other boy did not show up for a spar. And Kyouichi walked to the classroom slowly. He ignored any small attempts at conversation or socializing. A small voice said that Kyouichi should find out why the other boy did not show up. 

Once Kiryuu Touga did make it in, the boy looked as always. Perfect. Maybe the hair was little less straight, but that could have been the wind…

The eyes of an unmatched blue seemed a little dull, but it could just be today's lesson in class.

Kyouichi watched the boy's fingers for a moment, watched them clinch suddenly…then let go…and that is when the thought became a reality.

Kyouichi did not want to admit that he just wanted to follow the other boy.

Wanted to see where he lived, what he did after school and so on…

He made it about principle—if you cannot make an appointment, you should at least apologize. 

So, when school was over, Kyouichi did not take his path.

Instead he followed Kiryuu Touga to the curb, where a car pulled up and the boy seemed to wave it away…Kyouichi could not hear what was said from his hiding place.

Then the boy began to walk, long strides down the sidewalk and crossing streets, darting in and out of traffic. Kyouichi kept back several hundred feet, always keeping his steps light.

If he got caught…if that happened…Kyouichi would be ruined.

The whole school would know of his…unnatural interest in Kiryuu Touga. His family name would be shamed. He would probably have to leave the town.

Kyouichi paused at one corner and puzzled over the other boys actions.

Kiryuu Touga went inside a building, one with chipped paint and dirty steps. Kyouichi had heard of these places from other boys. It was for prostitutes, it was a whorehouse…did the boy go here? Did he pay for sex?

That idea almost made Kyouichi laugh out loud.

Kiryuu Touga would never have to pay for that kind of attention.

Then the boy re-emerged, in different clothes…the school uniform gone…something a bit more tight. 

They looked like leather pants. And a shirt with no sleeves, sheer material. The boy leaned against the step railing, tossing his impossibly long red hair back and crossing his arms.

People slowed down as they passed, mainly older men. They talked to him and smiled at him and caressed his exposed arms.

And the boy smiled at them, a wanton and devious smile.

Kyouichi felt his eyes widen and time stop.

'He is not a customer…he is not here to pay and get some cheap girl…he is one of them…' The words ran through Kyouichi's mind, yet they did not make much sense to him.

Kyouichi did not understand. And it was making him angry once more—that the boy had this secret life that Kyouichi had no knowledge of, that these disgusting men were putting their disgusting hands all over Touga's body…

__

Touga's…body…

Kyouichi turned away and closed his eyes.

The blood was rushing to his groin at an alarming rate with just the thought of the other boy, naked and sweat-covered and wanting.

And someone else would get that image…some dirty pervert would get that…

Kyouichi pushed away from the wall and walked toward the boy, his fists so tight that his fingers threatened to crack under the pressure.

The other boy glanced at him and did not seemed surprised. He actually fucking grinned! 

Kyouichi stood there, with Touga grinning at him and some man looking at him curiously.

'Do the two of you work as a team?' The man asked softly, his face giving away the pleasure of such a prospect. Kyouichi was about to punch the guy when Touga stepped in coolly.

'How much you willing to pay if we do?' Touga asked, nonchalantly slipping his arm around Kyouichi's waist and pulling him close.

Kyouichi tried to rein in all his warring feelings: the anger still lingering, the shock, the feeling of Touga against him. All the wires were getting crossed in his brain and causing violent eruptions.

'I..I don't want to get hurt or anything…' The man stuttered, casting a worried look at Kyouichi and his dark glare.

'We won't hurt you…will we, Saionji?' Touga whispered the last bit into Kyouichi's ear.

Hot breath and lips grazing his earlobe, Kyouichi thought his knees might give way underneath him.

And, as if bewitched by Touga's prescence, Kyouichi answered in a daze.

'No…no one will hurt you…'   
  


***   


TBC


	4. Third

Wasteland

By spheeris1

Pairing: Saionji/Touga

Warnings/notes: See Author's Note   


***   


__

'Don't worry…it'll be like our secret, like a shared dream…don't be afraid…' Touga's voice washed over him, from behind Kyouichi…from beside him…from everywhere…

The walls were painfully bare. And the house was dark with heavy curtains pulled to block out the sun. He could hear breathing. He could smell sweat and dust. 

Touga was beckoning him with a smile. It almost seemed gentle when the boy took Kyouichi's hand and tugged him into one room.

A silent room, with one bed in the corner and a lamp on the floor.

Kyouichi kept watching Touga's eyes, how they grazed over him like a feather—it helped numb the fear, the fear…of…of something Kyouichi could not place. There was a pressure behind him, around him.

The air seemed to get cold against his skin. He could feel it whip around his thighs, his knees, his ankles.

Touga pulled the buttons of Kyouichi's uniform slowly, nuzzling the side of Kyouichi's face and kissing the place where jaw met ear.

Kyouichi stopped breathing and shut off a voice inside, one that was screaming that something was wrong…something was horribly, terribly, amazingly wrong…

__

'This can be our place, Saionji…no one else will know, just us…' Touga murmured, running his fingertips down Kyouichi's chest.

Kyouichi let his eyes flutter shut—this place was safe, it was theirs and no one else's—he had a part of Touga no one in this world could have.

It was intoxicating. It was making his body tremble. It was creating desire so evident…so simple to see, burning hot in between Kyouichi's legs…

__

'Just remember…I am here…' Touga said softly against Kyouichi's lips before kissing him.

Kyouichi will know that taste forever now.

A flavor of cinnamon, of vanilla, of decadence, of the always unattainable.

From that moment on, though, it was nothing but a distant and troubling pain…Kyouichi felt his body sag to the floor and felt a pair of hands trailing up his back, pushing the uniform up. Something warm against his backside, rubbing and slightly wet, eager fingers pushing Kyouichi open…making his face smack against the floor…

And that is when Kyouichi woke up.

It was too late though, despite trying to move up again and get away from whoever was behind him…arms wrapped around his waist and agony entered him, a sharp and ripping pain—too hot, too full—Kyouichi screamed out.

He clawed at the floor desperately, knocking the lamp over in his effort.

But whoever it was, they did not stop. They just kept moving inside him, dry and tight and hard.

They were grunting and panting now, Kyouichi could hear this person…he let his head fall down again and felt very real teardrops slip out from his eyes, trying to remove himself from this moment.

It was not working. It was never going to work. 

Kyouichi was being fucked by some stranger…and, somewhere, was Touga…watching…Like the pencil. Like the lunch. Like kendo. Like the blush.

Kyouichi never felt more humiliated in his life.

Then, it was over. The person pulled away. Kyouichi heard voices…he heard Touga's voice…then a door close.

Kyouichi did not move. His hands and elbows felt raw, his lip was bleeding from where his teeth had bitten down. 

Touga told him to get dressed and so Kyouichi did.

It was a numb feeling, moving against clothing and standing and walking.

The other boy stopped him before the front door opened.

Touga was running his thumb over Kyouichi's knuckles lightly.

__

'You and I are going to be close…you are my best friend…' 

Then Kyouichi was back out in the late afternoon sun, walking and heading home…though everything was dying inside of him…   
  


***

TBC


	5. Fourth

Wasteland

By spheeris1

Pairing: Saionji/Touga

Warnings/notes: See Author's Note

***

__

They were walking along the edge of the forest.

And the roses were in full bloom, all varieties of color: orange, blue, yellow, violet…

But it was the red one that a hand pulled up and placed on his chest.

Lips kissed him on the cheek.

Arms encircled him.

And a voice of someone he did not know spoke in his ear.

'You are my pretty little puppet…'

Kyouichi could not pay attention.

Every class became a blur. Every day merged with the next.

And his indigo eyes acted as a mask.

He no longer met Touga for kendo in the mornings. Instead, Kyouichi spent most of his time sitting by the side of the road…just staring and trying to erase the feeling of someone in his body. He did not watch the other boy in school. He avoided him…most of the time…until he could not, until Kyouichi found himself going to that house again.

Walking in the door and lighting up.

Leaning against the wall, hearing muted groans and curses somewhere upstairs. 

In this place, Kyouichi did not mind tossing a wasted cigarette butt onto the floor. It looked right there.

Kyouichi could not answer the questions in his own mind anymore.

Why come here again?

Why take the steps slowly to watch men he did not know fuck?

Why was Touga here? Why will Touga not tell him of the reasons for this secret life? Why…couldn't it be just the two of them…even here, even here in this filth and on some stained mattress…why did Kyouichi have to let faceless men inside him just to obtain one damn kiss from Touga?

*

Then, as Kyouichi shut down these thoughts, it faded into some messed-up form of reality.

Get home around three or four in the morning. Fall to sleep and dream of the forest, of the roses, of a nameless man--all the nameless men. Sit and watch traffic, wishing he had the courage to step out and get hit. Make it through the day, ignoring the academic bullshit…it did not matter much anymore. Walking to the house and going in. Smoking and leaning and staring at nothing. Hearing Touga reel another man in, murmuring honey-coated lies and showing off flashes of skin--didn't they get it yet? They would never get a chance with him!

Touga did not fuck them. Touga was not fucked.

And Kyouichi knew others had to work here, but he never saw them…he could hear them, somewhere above, somewhere hidden in shadow…

Touga was like Helen of Troy, the face that launched a thousand ships--or in this case, the face that made almost every guy cream his pants.

Kyouichi included.

There was no point in denying that fact anymore either.

He came here and let it happen, just to be near the other boy. The thought of Touga could twist any emotion Kyouichi had--turn lust to pain, turn desire to anger, turn love to despair.

And the other boy knew it, Kyouichi was sure of that as well.

The way Touga would grin at him from the doorway, always this slow lift of the right side until it bloomed into a full smile…always happiest when Kyouichi was chosen to be a top by a customer, always content to watch and grin and never get too close to get dirty.

__

'You are a natural, Saionji…' Touga said to him one day, pulling off his shirt and dropping it to the floor. And Kyouichi gazed at Touga's chest--how smooth, how perfectly cut and crafted it was…

He wanted nothing more than to grab Touga and have his way with him.

The thought had been there, but now…Kyouichi was getting a glimpse of that which he could never have. The carrot to the rabbit--always fucking out of reach.

Then Touga tossed money to the floor and laughed.

Nothing kills a need more than realizing you are just a fucking whore.

***

TBC


	6. Fifth

Wasteland

By spheeris1

Pairing: Saionji/Touga

Warnings/notes: See Author's Note

***

__

'Let me take you there…for only a moment…please, come with me. Leave that twilight world behind. Take my hand and, just for a brief second, be with me…alone…'

*

Touga liked to drink, though he never seemed to get drunk.

And Touga never paid too much attention in class--but then, all the girls who he dated and dumped did the work for the him.

Touga looked best just at the break of dawn, sitting in the window sill and with his eyes closed.

Kyouichi made this his way to survive the days…to know Kiryuu Touga, inside-out.

His mother, that woman with whom Kyouichi never felt a connection, was worried. Teachers had called and complained. Classes skipped, grades dropping.

She lectured him and yelled and cried. But she did not get it, no one ever could…

Kyouichi just got up and left, stuffing some shirts and pants into a duffel bag.

He didn't look back to the faint amber lights in the windows of his childhood home.

He couldn't look back. He wouldn't look back.

Kyouichi no longer fit there.

Maybe he never did.

*

There was nowhere to go that night.

Kyouichi thought for a second of going to Touga's house. 

Maybe the boy would let him in, sneak him past his adoptive father and into his room. And they could, perhaps, actually talk. Get to know one another. Really become friends…really…become something more…

Kyouichi did not do that though.

Instead, his feet took him to the forest. It was different at night.

Moonlight cutting holes through the canopy of leaves, showering select areas with phantom silver--turning brown dirt into a pale spot, creating an edge like a knife on a petal of red…

Kyouichi leaned down, using his bag for a pillow and crossed his arms tightly.

He imagined that those arms were Touga's arms.

*

__

They ran the whole way.

And at the bottom of the hill, they toppled down…drifting down like feathers…

'I love you…' The one boy whispered, his hair falling into his eyes and making him laugh.

He was spinning! He was out of control! It was wonderful!

The other boy, though, did not answer.

He was watching the clouds intently--seeing something the other boy did not, something the other boy could not. It takes a special kind of sight…a wicked brand of knowledge, to know what exactly to look for.

'That cloud looks like a castle.' 

And the boy with the hair in his eyes and the laugh still lingering on his tongue--he looked up too late.

*

Two things happened.

Kyouichi woke up and it was still night. The muscles in his neck were knotted something awful.

And then a hand clamped over his mouth.

Kyouichi jerked up and tried to rip the hand away, but the grip was very tight.

'Shhh…it's me…' A voice said from the darkness, but it was unmistakable. It was Touga.

The fingers slipped away, dragging ever so lightly over Kyouichi's lips.

As quickly as fear came, it went…replaced, as always, with the faint churning of desire.

Kyouichi cleared his throat nervously.

'How did you find me?' 

Touga chuckled and stepped into some light. It made him look like a ghost.

'Funny…I dreamed that you were here.'

They both stood there silent for a moment. The light scent of flowers drifted in the air and Touga shut his eyes, looking so unbelievably at peace. So beautiful.

Kyouichi did not think about it.

It just was meant to happen that way. Some things cannot be avoided.

So, Kyouichi leaned forward and pressed his lips to Touga's. And the other boy did not pull away, he returned the kiss--his velvet tongue slipped inside Kyouichi's mouth.

And they dropped to the ground.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, Kyouichi studied this moment. It was what he wanted more than anything, yet…there was a sense of hollowness to it all.

Touga's skin was soft. And his kisses were hot, his hands experienced. 

But his eyes--dear fucking god--they were full of malice.

Kyouichi, in the present, did not see it. He was caught up in a fever that could not seem to break--kissing and biting and touching and grinding his hips against Touga's thigh. 

When Touga guided Kyouichi's head downward and unzipped his fly, the boy knew what Touga wanted and gave in all too easily. In the back of his mind, though, it was as if he could hear Touga's thoughts--- '_I am not a prince do you see the castle I will wear a rose for you'_

Those whisperings fluttered away like moths as Touga bucked into Kyouichi's mouth.

***

TBC


	7. Sixth

Wasteland

By spheeris1

Pairing: Saionji/Touga

Warnings/notes: See Author's Note

***

It was a cheap habit.

At least, in comparison with others. Kyouichi could follow the trail of used-up needles to the house like bread crumbs. Shiny slips of metal, glittering in the daylight…glass reflecting pools of piss and gasoline…it was disgustingly beautiful.

It was much more sanitary.

Both could cause an early death. But Kyouichi would take the slow erosion of his lungs and of the cilia within his throat. He liked the feeling of his chest becoming tight with smoke.

All the other options--the crack, the heroin, the meth--it smelled of a hospital. Lazy eyes in the alleyways, jittery arms and rubber skin…boxes of cheap medicine, propane tanks and the loud smack of slapping flesh. Kyouichi would find himself chuckling as he watched those people, red-rimmed and gaunt, chasing a vein.

They ran from the law daily.

Kyouichi could just go in the store at the corner and buy a pack. He could lay his money down, dollar-bills stained with sweat and semen, and walk away with his little box of happiness.

He could smoke them one after the other.

All day and night.

Kyouichi actually did that, often. He had dropped out of school, no longer having the energy to pretend to care. The day Kyouichi stopped going, Touga suggested that they burn his notebooks.

Pages filled with numbers, dates of importance and such.

Of classes. Of test questions. Of Kyouichi's future.

So they did. 

They stood in the forest at dusk, burning each and every one. The smoke turned black and swirled upward. And Touga smiled over at him, all at once endearing and yet false.

Kyouichi blamed the toxic fumes for the stinging underneath his eyelids.

**

Kyouich marked the days by the men who walked up the steps and entered the shadows of the house. The hours were always the same--from five o'clock until the first light of dawn.

Salarymen most times, how they loved to loosen the tie around their necks and fold their suit slacks, sit them in the corner…near the door…

They all wanted the same things.

Faces hidden into a pillow, ass up and fingers clinched…skin slick, breath hot…they would take, they would be taken…

Until Kyouichi could not see their faces anymore.

Tall. Short. Thin. Fat. Kyouichi let them all have a turn. He no longer cared…maybe he never did…

And when his own body was bent over, Kyouichi imagined it was Touga behind him. 

Touga holding Kyouichi steady. Touga pushing inside of him. Touga's chest plastered to Kyouichi's back.

And when Kyouichi was gripping the hips of some nowhere man of the night, it was Touga he was fucking. Touga's red hair spider-webbing on the dingy bed. Touga's thighs shaking. Touga's muffled groans lost in the air.

**

__

'Who owns this place?' Kyouichi asked one day, the gray trail leaving his pale lips and blurring the sun.

They lay on a hill. How they got there…Kyouichi did not know.

Something was different this day.

Touga wanted to walk. And so they walked.

Away from the city and the suburbs. Into the forest and out the other-side.

Kyouichi never knew there was so much open land here. 

A field of green, at the border of his beloved trees.

And now, laying on the ground side-by-side, Kyouichi could not recall…really…how they got there at all.

'A man. A dark and beautiful man…'Touga murmured, taking Kyouichi's cigarette and crushing it.

Touga did not mind the second of heat on his fingers.

'How do you know?' Kyouichi asked, his mind stuck on the rapid movement of the clouds but his body rolling to the right, rolling ever closer to Touga. The boy did not push him away. The boy did nothing at all.

'I've been here before…so have you…but I don't know when anymore…' Touga said quietly. 

And then Touga reached out slowly…or it seemed slow to Kyouichi…and placed his hand on Kyouichi's chest, stretching his fingers out wide.

Kyouichi felt the sudden urge to struggle against Touga.

But the boy smiled, a lazy and wistful and more than likely drug-induced smile, and leaned down to kiss Kyouichi's lips.

Kyouichi could never fight that…never ever…

'Can you feel it?' Touga whispered.

Kyouichi felt certain things…wild and reckless and desperate things…and Touga laughed at him.

'Saionji…we are no longer…' But Touga's words were lost in the breeze.

**

TBC


End file.
